“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
About Ruhama
I've Completely Changed My Life and I am Happier Than I've Ever Been
I asked myself questions like:- What is the role of a mother and wife?- How can I be the best mother I can be?- What makes a person successful?- What does it mean to 'be myself'?- What makes people lovable?- How do you become satisfied with life?- What are the most important things I want my children to know?- How can I best prepare my children to be good adults?- How can I be a good adult?- What will happen if I try?- And how will I feel if I don't try?
Today, I help other women who are "stuck."I help them remember their values. I help women feel worthy, and learn to stand up for themselves, gently, kindly, and firmly.
If you feel hopeless, I can help. Really. I help women in difficult relationships.
I slowly began to see myself as a beautiful, lovable, loving person. I began to see that I was trying my best. If all this sounds a little weird, or unrealistic - I get it. I felt stuck in a black hole full of tar, and thought I'd never get out of it. But I don't feel stuck any more. I know that life has challenges, and I know that I am capable and smart, and I have good friends who can help me when I need it.
From the outside everything was perfect. I got married when I was 21, barely old enough to be an adult. I had big ambitious dreams of being the most loving and caring mother that ever lived. I wanted to be a stay at home mom, and create the perfect home for my perfect children.
Well, it turned out that life has unexpected ups and downs, and things don't always go the way we plan.
It felt like I was constantly running, constantly taking care of other people's needs, constantly making sure that other people had a perfect life.
But no matter what I did it was never good enough. The house wasn't clean enough, the food wasn't good enough, and I didn't bounce back soon enough after having babies. And I was always so so tired!
And the worst part was that I didn't feel like I was a person! I was just there to serve others. Eventually, I ended up believing that.
I couldn't remember what my favorite food was, and when my younger kids asked what my favorite color was I'd make up an answer. I really had no idea.
I felt like I was stuck, trapped in a hamster wheel, and like I would be there until I was very very old...
And the only way to escape it was to sleep, until the baby cried again...
In 2016 I my life began to change.It all began when I decided to train to become a Kallah Teacher.
You see, I wanted the next generation to have a better start than I had. I truly believed (and still believe) that education, and access to information are he most important things we can give our young women.
What I discovered was that I had a lot to work on in my personal life. I didn't feel right to me to teach young brides about marriage when i seemed to be lacking so many of the fundamental qualities I was trying to teach.
So I decided to make the necessary changes in my life, while inspiring new brides do the same. I worked with one coach (and got an entirely new perspective on marriage) and then another (completely changed the way I see the world), and took another Kallah Teacher training. And then I trained to become a Life Coach... first at one school and then at another.
Well, I was highly trained and qualified. But.... I was also able to see all the inconsistencies in my own life. And it wasn't very comfortable.
The life I lived had nothing to do with my beliefs and values. I was getting so caught up in the daily routine that I had no time and energy left for the bigger picture.
And so I tried some new things..... excited to make changes...And they didn't work.
So I became a detective, noticing what was in -and out of- my control, and began focusing only on what was in my control.
The trick is realizing that those things that are in my control - are in my control! I can keep the things I like, and change the things I don't.
And, slowly, I made many changes. I love the choices I've made. I love my life. And I also began to know myself, and love myself.
I slowly began to see myself as a lovable, loving person.
And that is where the real changes started to happen. As I took charge of more aspects in my life, and stopped trying to change things I couldn't, the hamster wheel began to slow down. And eventually I got off of it.
I'm still busy, but that is because I have a lot of things I choose to do, a lot of things I'm happy to do.
You can do it too.
I believe that starting out on the right foot, with lots of resources and lots of information, is the key to success; and that successful families - make a successful nation.
I took 2 Kallah Teacher trainings and 2 Life Coach trainings!
After I certified as a Kallah Teacher I immediately started looking for another course! Knowing how to teach brides was just the beginning. I wanted to know how Jewish Law developed and changed over the years. I wanted to be able to have meaningful and informative conversations with women who have been keeping Halachah for years, but still had questions.
I did the same thing with Life Coach training. The first training focused specifically on relationships, since my particular passion is healthy families. But it really didn't satisfy me. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know why some people can pull themselves out of tough situations and others can't. I wanted to know the tools that help people make those changes. So I completed a second training heavily based on CBT principles.